Monday morning musings - lists

I love them! recovering from prepping for and having a show for my yarn and such. It rained all the show day so I had to reorganize and dry everything. Luckily, Sunday was sunny and breezy. Here are my to do lists in recovery and in preparation for our up coming large group camping trip. The kids will be hanging out with their cousins and grandparents for the week (next week) so it is just the adults. A week long date with my husband, that we just happened to bring a bung of friends on... okay more like before kids trip. Okay, okay, we always end up spending time talking about how cool they are and how much we miss them, but adult time is important. These lists are not for the shop, just for me. I should get off my computer and get to work!

House – to do list

Vacuum

Mop

Laundry

Find bedrooms

Find rec room

Weed wack around garden

Plant garden

Mulch garden

Buy sprinkler for garden

Rack wine

Camping Prep – to do list

Make:

Horseradish Vodka

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Snack mix (buy?)

Roasted nuts

Beef Jerky

Dehydrated peaches

Salad

Get:

Mussels

Fancy bacon

Beef for jerky

Horseradish

Check sticky rice quantity

Chocolate chips

Tomato juice

Instant coffee

Whip cream can

Find:

Camping kitchen stuff (sort for two)

Bag or container for kitchen

Spice disk

Rack for Dutch oven

Baking dish for Dutch oven

Baking stone for Dutch oven

 

home and family

yummy salad I made last week, with blueberries, nuts, and goat cheese.

 My husband works from home. He's job is corporate and stressful. He spends lots of time on the phone, in meetings and fixing things. Planing things and what my daddy calls putting out fires. A lot of the time he will come out of his office - a 8 by 8 room in the corner of the house which contains the only south facing window and which I painted a sunny yellow - to fixed himself lunch and he will tell me about his day. Often, I really only understand the people/office politics aspects of his day, as what he does is super technical, and there are rules about what he can and can't talk about which he honors. He works really hard, often working straight until dinner and going back in after the kids are in bed. They get good value-I think-from his work ethic in exchange for him not having a long commute or us having to move. Sometimes I find it frustrating as it often seems that just as I start to work on something he comes out to make lunch or because I would like to have the music on or whatever. Sometimes we take for granted that he is always there.

This waffle was made from scratch, by Badger, who also decorated it.

Sometimes he has to travel for work - it used to be much more often - and my house is quiet. I could play music as loud as I want. I can make the bed (he hates having it tucked) but I sleep alone. I can leave half finished projects out, but they suddenly drive me crazy. I can get lots of things done, partially because I can't sleep. We miss him. It seems the house even misses him. Everything seems harder and lonely. Then he comes home and we fly into his arms and the hard and the lonely melt away. I am so glad he is -were he belongs- home with us, in a sunny yellow room in the corner of the house and later he'll sit opposite me at the table, ask the kids what their favorite part of the day was and really listen to their answers.

He got home Friday and even yet the light seems golden. Later I'll post about the things that got done whilst he wasn't home. Some at his request.

~Julia

perceptions

It is funny how differently we see ourselves from how others do. How the image we have of something is completely different from the mirrors and from the image others hold of us.

I am way thinner in my head. I am stronger in the heads of my friends and capable of anything in the eyes of my kids.

I often feel less as a stay at home mom in this world of working. I work hard. I chose this life. I would choose it again. I love being there for my kids. I love that the idea of me being there or taking care of whatever, right then, is ingrained in my kids - mom can fix it - that the entire family never questions it. I love that my youngest want to be just like me. I love having the flexibility to go to random school events during the day or take day an just there for a friend. I love that our lives allow me to be present in such a full way in all these relationships.

But sometimes, like when a conversation is all about the wonderful/terrible things going on at work, I feel excluded from the world. I can relate. I remember that world - I held my last job for almost nine years - I know what it is like to do business well, to live in the cube-world and all the dramas and joys of it. But really, my stories are old and nostalgic, not fresh and frustrating. I am removed from all of this, left out.

And sometimes, like when a friend asks 'so you just have the house all to yourself all day?' or says something about being just a mom. I hover between guilty and envy. You dress up and go somewhere and have adult things to say and a schedule to keep. You make money in a capitalistic society. You... a thousand things I imply about your life.

We would not have more if I was working, we would have less. Less of me for my family. Less activities for the kids. Less chances to go camping, because the weather was good on Wednesday and I can get everything for the weekend and we can just go. Maybe we would be able to buy more, or save more, or I would have stories, but my choices were the right ones for us.

Sometimes, I think of myself as a list of things. Who I am as a list of associations and things I do. I've sold my crafts for a few years now, mostly sporadically, a business that is part hobby, part outlet, part dream. Imagine the start I got when at the bank the other day - Beaver got a job and needed a different account to have his checks deposited into - and they list me a working woman, owning my own company. I do. It is correct, but it is not how I think of myself.

Maybe I should. I am all of those thing, maybe I should give myself credit for being all of them. Maybe I should be easier on myself. And Just maybe I should enjoy it all more.

~Julia

My intentions

aka list of resolutions. We as a culture make the list every year, most of us - enough that it is a worn threadbare joke - don't stick to them. Why? How can a idea that is so ingrained in our consciousness a "We here Resolve..." can come to mean, in general, I am going to diet for a week and clean "All the things" for awhile then slide back into terrible habits? I am guilty. I expect most people are. Well this year, I intend something different, but maybe it isn't really all that different, this year I am RESOLVED (picture me signing my name in a white wig) to change a few things.

I am resolved to take care of myself this year. In specific I mean work at losing weight and exercising more, I eat lots of healthy stuff but need to eat less and lose that bag of candy that lives in my purse. I don't mean that I am going to go crazy starve and stress until I fit some magic outfit. I am thinking more Flylady here - not that I mean I am following her plan - just that everything I do to take care of myself is a blessing (Every task you do to clean you home, even if you do it imperfectly, blesses your home and family. I am paraphrasing.) I am going to do things that help me, improve or enlighten me, and generally make myself feel loved.

I am resolved to take better care of my family and my home.

I am resolved to be a better friend.

I am resolved to spend less and to spend more mindfully.

I am resolved to write more.

I am resolved to put more of myself into my business.

I am resolved to set a better example.

I am resolved - this one will actually be the hardest - to craft for Christmas throughout the year so I am not scrambling in December.

~Julia

the me I expected to be

Back when I knew everything, aka when I was a teenager, I had an idea of what adult me would be like. Which flaws, or things I viewed as flaws, of my family and friend's families I would avoid and which things they did I would keep and incorporate into my life. I was very opinionated. Often I was right.

• I still believe that eating a small amount of a 'real' thing - butter, bacon, Parmesan, etc - was better than eating a lot of junk. 
• I still believe that freshly baked bread is better tasting and better for you than store bought. 
• I still believe that cake tastes best not from a box.
• I still believe that family is the most important people in your world so keeping a pretty house and good dishes should be everyday not just for company.
• I still believe that a book or radio is better than tv.
• I still believe that every yard should have a garden and the whole family - kids included - should be responsible for working it.
• I still believe in meals at the table, made fresh from ingredients. 
• I still believe that laundry should be done often, not just when you are out of underwear, and it should be dried on the line. 

I still believe a lot of things, but I recently got to thinking about this and my implementation of my beliefs is very spotty. So I am calling myself out.

• Put down the candy and store bought doughnuts.
• Bake bread more and not just the one plain white recipe, experiment.
• Baking the kids a cake, make it real, if it is an everyday cake fruit is better than 7up.
• Clean up a little everyday - maybe the kids will notice and help. Get out the good dishes. clean your own room rather than just trying to get the kids to pick up their rooms. Show them they are important with more than cuddles, games, and words.
• Turn off the tv, especially at night. I will often stay up later than I want to not because I am watching something interesting but simply because I am too tired to make a decision for I flip from channel to channel watching bits and pieces of something. 
• My husband doesn't like to garden, and truthfully I don't like to in the middle either. I love planning, cleaning the garden,  and planting. I really love harvest and processing the fruits and veggies, but that middle bit you know weeding and watering not working harder on that limits my garden greatly. I need to mitigate my response, either by planning a lower maintenance garden or by doing that dreaded middle work.
• Actually, dinners every night at the table we do, but I'd like to teach the kids family style and table settings.
• My husband does most of the kids laundry up to a point. That point is folding it. He doesn't. I usually end up waiting until there is a mountain, then being irritated by it. He does a lot of work and I should appreciate more it rather than being worn out by the mountain. Hopefully I can try to keep up instead of catch up and that will help.

Hopefully, I can catch up with my teenage self. Today, when the kids got home we had tea, with scones that were ready and still warm. I always saw myself as the mom who would have everyday tea parties with her kids. They loved it and it got snack-time over quickly too. I am thinking gingerbread for tomorrow.
~Julia

Thoughts on a Thursday

Last week Tuesday Butterfly turned 6, this is her dancing before school that morning.

 It is 7:24, Beaver is at school. Mouse - woke up early to crawl in my bed for extra cuddles - is ready for school and unloading the dishwasher to help me. Butterfly is whining that her socks are too big, her pants are to short, she has to sneak back in her bedroom again, basically that she is awake. Until a moment ago Badger was asleep - the last sneak in woke her up. Jim is asleep. Time to take Butterfly to school.

It is 8:04 I drove a much cheered (amazing what breakfast will do!) Butterfly across town to school, it started to rain.  My wipers were replaced last month and it had not rain until Saturday, when I found out they do not work anymore. I really need to go bug the place that put them on.  Badger helped me load the dishwasher, mostly so she could get toast. She did not like the cinnamon bread I made for breakfast and just wanted plain buttered toast and don't stack it mommy. (side note: she has invented a new swear word - Oh Crazelle Stacks! - terribly cute.) Soon I will be walking Mouse to school, time to find the umbrellas.

It is 8:45 Mouse is at school, the rain stopped for the whole walk. Normally, there are a few other kids maybe a mom walking them but no one else is walking. Today there were 4 people walking for exercise out on this wet dismal day. I am going to read awhile with my coffee and book, and finally have my cinnamon bread for breakfast, then I need to print this pattern for Mouse's sweater. I bought a bunch of German wool from St. Vincent's two months ago and I think it will be enough to make him a nice sweater, I'll do the sleeves last just in case, but you can't say no to 100% wool skeins for 79 cents. I bought all they had. His sweater will be a heathery green. Today is Badger and Mommy do errands and crafting time at out Local Yarn (beading and spinning) shop.

It is 2:12 I got the coffee and mattress cover we needed and some cookies to bring to crafting, Badger picked them out. We got to the shop and De was chatting with M, who I think is pretentious and while she is an instructor there is pushing her own agenda often at the store's expense. I wanted to get two yarns to use for sample socks (reading Toe up 2 at a time socks and she recommends practicing in worsted weight in two different colors once to get the hang of it) knitting needles for the girls, size 7 needles for myself and a 40" cable for the knitpicks system. I also got a new gauge, locking stitch holders and pearl cotton for a Barbie Wedding dress (i picked up a pattern book at the library, thinking I would knit some simple cloths for a Butterfly Christmas present, of course she caught me looking at it while I was on the wedding dress page!)  Normally there are a lot of other ladies but today not so much, so it was a lot of shopping then waiting for them to be done talking about a class they want to offer (I won't be taking it) but I ended up getting involved in the conversation which, along with reading The Knitting Sutra, has changed my plan for Mouse's sweater.  I will be using the stitch pattern - k 3rows, p 1 row - for the sweater but making the body in the round in one piece stitches based on gauge and his measurements rather than slavishly following the pattern. Later, M left and another lady joined us, she was working on a complicated (to my eyes) beaded bracelet. I would like to learn the technique,eventually.

It is 6:59, Homework is mostly done, violin lesson for Butterfly went well, but oh the homework.  Too much to have practice and lesson both before dinner. getting her to finish tonight was difficult. Have to work on getting dinner earlier, Jim seems to be working later and later into the evening... it is nice that he can work from home but he seems to be working 24/7 lately and always seems to be running late on the days that are busiest for the kids and me. I know he likes to do the cooking but I think I need to pick up a few days a week and make something that I can start cooking early in the day and is just ready to go.

It is 8:10, Dinner was yummy, pork roast with a spice rub that was so tasty, baked potatoes and corn &peas. The kids are all in bed, I expect the Badger to keep leaking out of her bed for hours yet. I shall sit and watch some whatever is on while starting Mouse's sweater.

Beaver's last cross country meet of middle school. He is the boy that is further away, I meant to get a better shot but as he got near me he yelled out - "I'm Freezing!" they made him take off his hoodie right before the race. He lives in that thing.

Keeping it real...

That's a box of un-matched socks, the counter and table are dirty too.

actually these look better than the floor did.

Reading Tricia at Crunchy Catholic Momma  has me thinking about priorities.  I have prioritized craft projects and having fun with the kids, and posting here (and quite a few other things) over cleaning.  I do clean quite often but it is more important to me to have fun with the kids, cuddle, sew, knit, read, are you getting the idea.  I get a lot done but don't ever want anyone to think they can't do something because they are comparing themselves to me and imagining that my life or house is perfect.  So here it is keeping it real Tuesdays, were we take a picture of something in our house that  needs attention, if you were coming to my house right now, I'd be madly scrambling to clean this quick before you arrived.  Oh and while writing this as fast as I can so can can sneak in a shower I really need, I am making bread for dinner and pizza for lunch.  I will be later than I wanted for visiting with a friend and have people coming tonight.  (I did sweep after taking this shot, but didn't get to mopping it.  I prioritized smelling good over unsticky floor.)